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Coming Out – And Then Coming In-And-Out For The World To See

Being a  black gay man in today’s society isn’t an easy thing. Sure, the times where they would consider us pitchfork material has passed, but we aren’t exactly accepted by the society as much as we’d like to. I don’t like doing this, but I have to get it off of my chest somehow. The internet is the best place to go with your deepest, darkest secrets and desires. You might stop me right there and tell me that’s all a bunch of crap, but the truth is – there isn’t a better place for airing your dirty laundry. You can say anything – and I mean absolutely anything in the world to the millions of strangers across the globe, and not even one of them is going to cause your life to change.

I couldn’t be who I am

Where I live, being gay is still a well-guarded secret. Obviously, to my online friends and fuck-buddies, I am openly gay and no one has an issue with it. So, to keep things from getting out of hand, I am dating a girl. Just to make my parents and neighbors believe to themselves that I turned out okay. I still did, mind you, they just can’t accept it for some reason. Anyhow, the reason I am telling you all of this is very simple. At first, to satisfy my own curiosities and cravings, I tought out gay porn in an abnormal amount. My girlfriend was fine with it for the most of the time. But there came a point in time where I realized it wasn’t going to be enough.

We tried to make it work

My girlfriend was surprisingly flexible. She even agreed to let me fuck her in the ass so I can feel closer towards what I’m looking for. Even that didn’t help. At the end of the day, she wasn’t a strong, muscular, well-hung man, or a skinny pale-ass twink, and I just didn’t get off to her. I knew that I was going to hurt her if I told her we should break things off, but at the same time, I would be hurting myself if I stayed in a relationship with her. So, I tried to do the best possible thing for us both, by sleeping with guys without her knowing. I’d often film myself to feel like a pornstar fucking or getting fucked so I can get off to it when I’m horny and I can’t find a guy to get laid with. I had all of those videos on my phone.

The happy ending!

That was probably my biggest mistake. At one point, she found all of those hot vids and decided she’d upload them to pornotumblr, to spite me. I thought for a moment there that my life would be over since everyone would find out just who I really am in the most privacy-invasive way imaginable. The Boy was I wrong! Turns out the word didn’t spread and the only thing I gained from the website is a ton of guys calling me and asking if they can hook up! It’s a great place to meet potential fuck buddies!

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